Do you ever just feel completely awkward and insecure? But like…other times you’re the most confident person in the room? This is me. Well, it’s always BEEN me. I’m not quite sure why, but I’ve always given myself an unbelievable dose of self-doubt.
Out of nowhere. I get a rush of anxiety. I feel insecure. My heart pounds. My face turns red.
FOR. NO. REASON.
All of the sudden I get in my head and assume everyone is judging me. Not only that, but I get an extra dose of anxiety for assuming I’m going to be judged over my face turning red. Such a thorn in my side. *eye roll* Anytime my awkwardness and/or social anxiety shows, I try to backtrack and gloss over whatever I’ve just done or said… trying to play it cool. As you can guess, I end up only making it worse and my face turns two shades brighter. I imagine most of us have secretly Googled ‘how to overcome self-doubt’ with fingers crossed that we’d come across some ground-breaking method we’ve never heard of. Self-doubt, low self-esteem, insecurities, whatever you want to call it, is way more common than you might think. Sometimes all it takes to confirm that that’s true is to just listen to what others are saying about themselves.
Why We Doubt Ourselves
So why do so many of us deal with overwhelming self-doubt? Well, truth is, there’s a whole host of reasons why. It may be hard to believe, considering we see everyone on social media showing us their highlight reel, but the reality of it is that we all have insecurities–some people are just better at managing it.
According to a Psychology Today article, self-doubt can stem from many different factors; from genes, to how you were raised, trauma, experiences, humiliation, misinformation, anxiety, and overthinking. Even if you’ve suffered from all of the previous factors, those were all out of your control. What IS in your control is the power to overcome the self-doubt all those factors dumped on you. It might take a little more time to overcome self-doubt if it’s deeply-rooted, BUT it is possible!
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.Philippians 4:13
That includes overcoming self-doubt!
Self-doubt was always something I struggled with for as long as I can remember. It was more sporadic waves versus a constant, but either way, it was present throughout my life. I began trying out methods and techniques to help me overcome my low-self esteem and to my surprise, I found a few that actually helped me!
My Tips for Overcoming Self-Doubt
1.) Fake It
Obviously this is easier said than done. It really does work, though. I’m sure you’ve heard of the expression ‘fake it til ya make it’ which is basically saying that if you pretend that you have confidence, eventually you will. For example, if I bust up in a room, speaking to everyone, exuding confidence, I find that it’s harder for those insecurities to start creeping in because there’s no room in my mind for the doubts. It might feel weird at first, or you might truly feel fake, but all you’re doing is tricking your mind into tossing out self-doubt and replacing it with confidence.
Try exuding that confidence the next time you’re feeling insecure and keep it up until it’s your natural reaction to self-doubt. If you want to feel confident, you have to practice being confident, hence the whole ‘fake it ’til ya make it’ concept. 😉
This method isn’t just about your outlook about yourself. It includes actionable steps towards becoming confident. For example, if you are going to give a presentation, or talk to a cute guy, or whatever the scenario maybe that’s causing you to doubt yourself, don’t just pump yourself up mentally. Instead, put your shoulders back, dress in that outfit that makes you feel great, and strike a ‘power stance.’
I’m fully convinced that your actions can trick your mind into boosting your confidence. Like I said earlier, it might feel completely lame and awkward when you begin practicing this method, but like any other good habit you implement, it’ll become natural over time.
2.) Ignore the Insecurities
When I do feel the insecurities forming in my mind, I immediately start talking to the Lord. Asking Him to help me, give me peace, confidence, and for the Holy Spirit to guard my mouth. (Sometimes I think the reason I choke in situations is that maybe the Holy Spirit is keeping me from word vomiting or embarrassing myself lol Most times I feel like it’s just the devil trying to make me miserable. Maybe I’m giving him too much credit).
It’s easy to let negative self-talk get the best of us and make us feel even more insecure, and that’s why in these moments, I stop talking to myself and start talking to God instead.
3.) Don’t Give In
Regrettably, I have given in to the spirit of inferiority and self-doubt more times than I’d like to admit. Countless times I have let opportunities pass by and/or refused to share a testimony all because I was afraid of how I’d be perceived, or for the simple fact that my face might turn red. How selfish to let my own insecurities withhold information that would glorify God and be a faith-builder to those who hear it.
Are you allowing fear to hold you back and be disobedient to God?
Anytime I find myself really wigging out about something somewhat simple, earthly and vain, I make it a priority to refocus and switch to my eternal lens. Sometimes it takes a second for this reality check to hit, but if you consciously do it it will become a habit for you. It’s wild how quickly your attitude about everything can change when you just switch your perspective. It does take intentionality and practice though!
During your time of refocusing, try breathing slowly in through your nose and out through your mouth to slow your heart rate and calm yourself down. Don’t overthink this part. Even if you’re in the middle of a conversation with someone, or are in front of people, you can still do this subtly.
5.) Push Through
No matter how uncomfortable and insecure you may feel, those feelings are only going to increase if you don’t push through. It’s kind of like climbing a ladder when you’re afraid of heights; it’s terrifying and you hate every second, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Push those thoughts, insecurities, and fears to the side and LIVE. It’s easy to push through if you practice these tips.
For me, I’ve learned that even if my face continues to randomly turn red when I speak, I WANT to talk to people and a random, red face is just a part of me that I’m going to have to deal with. I shouldn’t allow it to dictate how I live. For whatever reason, my body just responds that way sometimes when I speak in front of people. So what?
I hope you develop the same outlook.❤
How silly it is to entertain any of those negative thoughts and let them reside in our minds for any length of time. Those thoughts and feelings are from the enemy and have no place in my life, or in yours. Although they sometimes slip in, remember:
That means that when a thought comes into your mind, you immediately take hold of it before it goes further into your spirit. Then, you consider how it measures up to the standards of purity, decency, and truth established in God’s Word. So, don’t dwell on the negative thought and let it take hold of your mind. Take the thought, turn it over to God, and replace it with something good. It’s that simple! It does take practice, but you got this! Get in the habit of doing it so it becomes a natural response. I’m working on this as well. We’re in this together, and self-doubt has no place in our lives.
Samantha GranthamApril 12, 2020
This is so goodness! I needed this! Thanks for explaining that verse!!